My proposal for a new US Governmental Seal: We should change our national emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects our government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed! (Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that, no?)

FURTHERMORE.....NO ADHOLE WILL BE LEFT BEHIND! All companies will be forced to spend 20% of their gross income on advertising. Adholes will have the final say on how this money is spent. Adholes will be given complete creative freedom and autonomy in all matters. Adholes will get a minimum wage of $190 per hour. It will be against the law to harass or fire an Adhole. Adholes will get free medical, mental health, and drugs for life. Adholes are entitled to company cars, liberal expense accounts, club memberships, 16 weeks paid vacation, and lifetime retirement income (based on the best monthly income of their life) starting at age 40 (if they chose to). Adholes will not be required to pay taxes.

Sign this petition now, or you’re f*cked! Tell 22 friends to vote too.