--You know what the phone number for Empire Carpet is!

--Your living room is called the "front room." (pronounced fronchroom)

--You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois, and you become irate at people who do. (The "s" is silent stupid.)

--You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city"), and everything is pretty much 15 minutes away.

--You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "DesPlaines."

--Something was canceled because of the cold weather.

--Something was canceled because of the hot weather.

--You've switched from heat to air conditioning in the same day.

--You prefer gray skies over blue.

--Your grocery stores don't have sacks; they have bags.

--You end your sentences with prepositions: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall, I wanna go with," or "Come by and pick me up."

--Your idea of a great sandwich is when the meat is twice as big as the bun, it has everything on it, and a slice of dill pickle is on the side.

--You always carry jumper cables in your car.

--You drink "pop," not soda or even worse "coke."

--You understand that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different highways.

--You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan, and the Edens, but you call them all "expressways."

--You refer to anything south of I-80 as "Southern Illinois."

--You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake."

--You refer to Chicago as "The City."

--The "Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in a series of 35 played in January of 1985.

--No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown," you immediately assume they're talking about downtown Chicago.

--You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers!

--You read "The Trib."

--You drive to the North suburbs by taking "The Outer Drive" even though no such road exists.

--You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car!

--You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog. --You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is.

--You know the real reason why they call Chicago "The Windy City."

--You understand what "lake-effect-weather" means.

--You own a drop gun, or wish you did.

--You understand how politics work in the city that works.

--You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at. (Note the preposition.)

--You ride the "L."

--You can distinguish among the following area codes: 847, 630, 773, 708, 312, & 815.

--You respond to the question "Where are you from with a "side." Example: "WEST SIDE," "SOUTH SIDE," or "NORTH SIDE."

--You wear gym shoes, not sneakers.

--And, you have at some time in your life, used your furniture to guard your parking spot in winter.

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YOU KNOW YOU'RE A (___your town name here___ ) ADHOLE IF...

Ok, let's have it, spit out those lists!