I've just never been a big fan of the Olympics. The original competitions were supposed to help nations settle their differences on fields of play rather than fields of battle. Well, as Jay Leno pointed out last night, that hasn't worked out very well.

I think that we should strive to find commonality among all nations. Among the people who understood this best were "Three Brothes Named Minsky". Fortunately, Minsky was their last name, else suppertime in their household would have been quite confusing for the boys.

But I digress. The Minsky Brothers opened the Sunshine Theater in downtown New York somewhere between around 1890 and 1900. At the Sunshine Theater, they put on burlesque shows..They were essentially variety shows that included mimes, slapstick performers, strippers, and musicians. What do these have in common? They don't necessarily require a common language to be understood and appreciated. As such, immigrants from Ireland, Italy, Eastern Europe and other places could all have a common experience without necessarily understanding the language.

The Minskys were SO successful at this..(especially because of the strippers..one of whom was Gypsy Rose Lee), that they had to move out of the Sunshine Theatre they'd built to some quarters uptown..in Times Square.

So, yup..there you have it. New York City's porn industry, brought to you by 3 Jewish guys who just wanted to gratify a lot of people who didn't have a common language.

I think we'd all do much better to find showbusiness that appeals to all of us, and sit and have a big ol' TV and dance party together.

If there HAS to be a competition, let it be in something we could appreciate without necessarily having great knowledge of sports, or of sports-like competition.

I think the "Curling" event should involve people from various countries standing on a stage, in front of a microphone, competing for who can do the best "Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk", and the most convincing "I'm a victim-a-coimconstance!"...Get it? Curling could be Curly imitations. That's just ONE of my special (NOTE: Lower case "s" in special) Olympic events.

Come on, all..let's think of some other Olympic events that could REALLY unite us rather than divide us. (Did you ever notice, by the way, that "untie" is an anagram of "unite"? Gives one pause, doesn't it?)