I've owned Apple products since 1991, and used them since 1988. Since I'm what some would consider an advanced user, I've solved all problems myself, 99% which were software related. (My monitor card got loose once.)

But no more. Not since I bought a new iBook G4 in May. About two months ago, the computer wouldn't start. Nothing happened when I hit the power button. So, trying everything I knew without results, I brought it to the Apple Genius bar at their store in SoHo. There, the technician told me the logic board needed to be reset. "Apple-option-control-shift-power, hold for 5 seconds, wait 5 seconds, then hit power." Miraculously, it booted up again. An entire night tossing and turning, thinking about possibly losing information, having to pay for costly repairs, and being out my computer were resolved quickly. I had budgeted the entire morning for this–now I can go get breakfast. "Oh, you might need to eventually get that logic board replaced" he foreshadowed.

Sure enough, two weeks ago tomorrow, upon returning home to my loft in the East Williamsburg Industrial Park from Adholes World Headquarters in the East Village, a 20 minute trek on the L train that should not have made my laptop randomly turn off en route, the laptop would not start again. "Aha, all I need is the magic Apple-option-control-shift-power trick." I did it, and sure enough, the "ding" of the computer starting up happened. It booted up fine. I got to my messy desktop. I went to open my mail. And the screen went black.

I rebooted, did the Apple-option-control-shift-power trick again. And nothing. And then strange things happened. The screen would flash between solid colors. The hard drive would go WHIIIRRRRRRRR. The fan was on so fast that you could feel a rush of air out of the back.

The next day, I went to the on-site freelance job I thankfully had (how else was I going to get emails from an associate trying to micromanage my efforts?) and did some searching. Sure enough, the logic board was kaput.

But further digging led me to find some alarming statistics. That this has been a problem dating back to a design flaw in the G3 series of iBooks. And that THIRTEEN PERCENT of laptops are failing. In fact, my neighbor two cubes down who owns a little ad agency just had the same thing happen to his.

Now, it's one thing for a thirteen percent failure rate to occur. It's another to be lame about fixing it quickly. Unless you pay for their AppleCare Extortion Program, you get treated like cattle.

My first experience with this was making another appointment that evening at the Genius Bar, for the 7-7:30 time slot. I was sitting next to another guy, who was there right before me. So I figured when he went, I was next. 8:30 rolls around, and we're still not taken. Together, we decide to ask what's going on. "Oh, you guys didn't check in." CHECK IN? We were in the store, setting up an appointment, but they don't tell you to take the extra step of letting them know that you're there, when you already are there to make the appointment in the first place. Maybe the laptops are so faulty they cause people to spontaneously combust.

Anyway, they say, yes, indeed, it is a logic board failure. And thankfully, I am under warranty. I figure I'll just come back the next day and pick it up. After all, Apple is known for its customer service. The thing may have broken, but this is a common problem. They probably have a whole room full of logic boards.

Wrong. "It should be back in three to ten days." Says the Genius Girl. "TEN DAYS???" "Well, that's if the part isn't in stock. It should be. Hopefully it will be more like three."

Keeping up their ass, so to speak, almost every day, I found out that they didn't even bother to send the laptop to their Memphis facility via the DHL tracking number they gave me for three days. Upon its arrival, another call to them informed me that it would be "Five to seven more days." That was last Monday, now almost a week after I dropped it off. "We'll call you when it's done." They said.

Finally today, eight days after that last call, they did not call me. I called them. After entering my ever-changing repair number (they issue a new one for each thing they do to the laptop), the recorded voice said "You computer is ready to be picked up." Gee, thanks for calling!

I get to the Genius Bar, this time going right to their conscierge. "I'll see if we can find it." He says. I see them pick up my laptop and place it on the table and I wait for a guy to finish helping a customer with a broken iPod, another Apple product that's breaking records in being broken.

Finally, after 45 minutes of waiting, and then paperwork, I got my laptop back. Forty five minutes, plus fourteen days without my computer. A forced two week vacation, right before my real one, which begins tomorrow. Just what I needed. Sure, I got some work done. I borrowed an old iMac from my friend's wife. But it's not the same. It's still not the same, because I'm not done transferring all the emails I need from the other computer. Life is still out of sorts. Thanks Apple!

Is Apple still a Lovemark™ for me? I think not. Sure, we'll stay together for the sake of the kids. But this is a loveless marriage from here on out. Heck, I might even see a Dell or an HP on the side--to fulfill some of my...gaming needs. For what I paid for the laptop, I could have had a room full of Dells. And for what I paid for it, I deserved better service, faster service, and at the very least, not having to schlep in my friend's Jeep to Manhattan Mini Storage to get a loaner computer.

Shame on you, Apple! You're just another big corporate bully putting profits ahead of people.