Pretend I am myself Give the Verizon guy a deaf person’s phone number Paint leaves on the trees in my backyard Give North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il a mid-west mullet Dress up as a midget Eat lunch.

P.s. Why I Trust Midgets

There’s never been a midget suicide bomber and there probably never will be a midget suicide bomber. Suppose a midget strapped a bomb to his body? The weight of the bomb would cause the midget to fall on his back, like a turtle. Therefore, there will never be a midget suicide bomber. But you ask, “What happens if they run out of regular size suicide bombers?" You needn’t worry. Sure a midget or two might get the idea to wrap themselves with firecrackers but a stunt like that is more likely to turn into a spectator sport than a suicide slaughter. Long live the midgets!

P.s.s. I am thinking about getting back into advertising. Is it still as competitive as it was on Friday?