So I’ve been flipping thru channels while I’m... updating my files so i can drop some fresh blogs... trying to get my files together for my web guy (they’re coming, adam! swear it!)... and trying to get thru June gloom. (What's with Cali? What I'd get myself into?)

Anyway, can somebody tell me what's going on with cable TV? I got +600 channels and I can't believe that Madison Ave can't back anything better than this crap! Somebody help me me. Lemme see...

Where do I start?

HOUSE OF PAYNE I luv Tyler Perry. I like the Jason's Lyric dude. I like black folks workin' in Hollywood. But c'mon playa. This looks like a bad SNL skit after a Jesse Jackson led march on NBC. (Which, actually isn't that hard to do, given the bland crap that passes for humor on the rainbow coalition that is SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, but still...)

GLENN BECK. Glenn Beck? Glenn Beck? Why does he have a show. He’s like a bootleg Bill O’Reilly... He’s one of those guys who smiles in a story’s face, then spends 15 minutes ranting about it behind its back. At least O’Reilly goes at it—toe to toe.

GOOD DAY L.A.: Sucks. Just a bad morning show all the way around. And proof that some women can still slept their way into a regular TV gig.

MIKE + KATHY IN THE MORNING Sniveling condescending neo-cons with no valuable ideas and wooden personalities should never be allowed to piss me off before 11am. At least Jehovah’s Witnesses knock, first.

BIG LOVE. A show about a guy with a buncha wifeys, more kids than he can handle, a barely-gettin’-it job, a couple side-hustles and problems with the cops. How BET and VH-1 passed on this one is beyond me.

MEADOWLANDS An upperclass Irish suburb harbors some dark secrets, hidden agendas and scheming neighbors. Gee... More white people who aren’t as angelic as they appear to be. Oh the drama of it all. (Now where are those mushrooms I brought back from Amsterdam?)

JOHN FROM CINNCINATI. A 40something guy moves from Ohio to California and surfs. And he may or may not be a magician/alien/athlete suffering from amnesia.... Further proof that HBO will put anything on the air so long as the cast is majority white.

FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS Kids in The Hall and Spinal Tap covering BareNaked Ladies. Actually, Conchords only wishes it were so self-indulgent and myopic.

ENTOURAGE The bastard child of Swingers drags on. And it is sooo not money.

SUPERMAN RETURNS. I know you have the rights for the next 97 years, but stop it already. By the way: Jesus Christ did not wear tights and a cape. Enough with the Christ Complex as Superhoe movies, already.

CHEATERS. Still the greatest show in the history of syndicated cable TV. Three words: “Joey got stabbed!”

THE CLOSER. Do all the “strong women” on TV have to be grizzled cops/reporters/nurses/married-to-cops/reporters... and White?

CREFLO DOLLAR. Pimp in tha’ pulpit!... Chuuch!

BET It what folks call you, it’s what you answer to. Too bad y’all keep answering to it.

MTV/MTV2 They’re called videos: People dance in em. Somebody pretends to sing. There’s song in the background... Try it.

CARSON DALY SHOW Who are you bangin’ that you’re still on the air? Who?

LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY KIMMEL Sarah Silverman’s your girlfriend. That’s punishment enough. I think.

VH-1 Hold up wait a minute, lemme put some pimpin’ in it! I remember when they played Garth Brooks and Faith Hill videos all damn day. Now we get neo-millenial minstrel shows and comics that nobody’s ever heard of crackin’ on stuff nobody cares about.

C-SPAN. I wanna like you, really I do. But your big problem is... zzzzzzzzzzzz, As I was saying....

HISTORY CHANNEL Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

G4TV Gettin’ there. Not bad...

ESPN Y’all are feelin’ yourselves a little too much these days. By 2009, you will have hired every working white sports reporter and columnist for on-air gigs at least twice. No wonder you think Jason Giambi’s getting screwed.

BRAVO Boo. (But the orange county chicks are hilarious, tho.)

NANCY GRACE. Hey Nancy, another white girl’s missing—we need outrage, stat!

If this keeps up, I might have to buy a Playstation or an XBOX.