Dear Mr Creative Director whom I attempted to call today:

Hi. I am the idiot who took up 10 minutes of blank space in your voicemail today. See, I operate most of my business off my cellphone, for several reasons, one being I work a virtual office, often wearing various pairs of free hotel slippers. Two being I have yet to find a headset that costs under $2000 which works correctly with a landline phone, but these seem to be readily available for cellphones. And I lurv my headset.

Ok, on to the debacle of my phone call this morning. As I was waiting patiently for your voicemail to beep, another phone in my house rang, the one I usually refer to as "the house phone", which nobody uses, and never rings except from solicitors, or my kid's school calling to tell me that maybe bones have been broken, or possibly limbs have been severed, and I should meet them at the most expensive emergency room in the tri-state area, which happens to not be on my insurance. It rang loudly, about 10 inches away from me, on ringer tone set to "cardiac arrest", for some unknown reason, possibly because a child had played with the volume button.

This ring caused me to literally jump from my chair, and scream AAAIIIIIEEEEE just as the beep, the beep to start recording in your voicemail, did its thing. Realizing I was now recording, I jumped up, hitting the keyboard tray with my thighs for the 18th time today, thus ensuring that constant bruise would still exist, and tried to stop the other phone from ringing, (by hitting it, duh! What else do you do?) I began stumbling through my introduction, and then noticed, hey that's funny, that looks like the jack to my headset, not attached to anything. And hey look, that looks like my phone careening off the back of my desk into the never-never-land that is the 2.5 inch wide and 3 feet deep gap between the back of my desk, and the wall. A gap in which my arm does not fit. And the desk weighs 800 lbs.

And as I peered over the back of the desk, I could see that the phone was still on. Oh yes, still connected, to your voicemail. Recording me screaming the vocal equivilant of f#@%$#^%$#. And it took me a while to fish it out. I bet that made some interesting sounds, too.

So. I won't be all that surprised if you don't call back.

That is all.